yoo-hoo. Yoo-hoo.
it's bob and david !
( Audience applauding )
Thank you. Welcome to mr. Show.
I'm bob odenkirk.
Thank you.
Thanks.
( Clearing throat )
( Smacking lips )
Whew. Sorry.
( Chuckling )
3rd motherfuckin' time.
( Audience laughing )
You know, i'm Glad he's late,
You know, because It proves my point.
Oh, my god, what If he's hurt ?
Excuse me. Excuse me. Sorry.
Sorry. Excuse me.
Oh.
( Audience laughing )
Hey, everybody, I'm david cross.
( Audience applauding )
No, no ! Hold it.
Oh, no, no.
Don't encourage him. Don't encourage him, folks.
David, do you have any Idea what time it is ?
What ?
The audience and i have Been sitting here waiting.
This isn't Going to work.
What ? 'Cause i Was a little late ?
It's not just That, man.
You know, i was Raised in a time
When people Respected each other--
The mid-'70s.
( Audience laughing )
You know, you Came of age
In a different Time-- the late '70s.
We're from different Generations.
So ?
So i don't get your movies Or your music, you know ?
I was into star wars.
You were into the empire strikes back, you know ?
I like bananarama, you Like that bangles shit.
No !
Hey, lay off, pops !
( Audience applauding )
You know, it's people Of your generation
That wrecked Things for us,
The people of One year later.
( Audience laughing )
You know, we're still Cleaning up your mess.
All right, you know, I'm sorry, folks,
We just don't relate.
I think this Show is over.
Oh, that's Good. Yeah, quit.
Just like your Generation, give up.
( Cameraman ) Hey, guys.
If, uh...
If you're not Doing the show, then
I'm gonna split.
What ?
Cool. I, uh... I'm still, uh...
Bummed out about the Dead breakin' up, and...
It's like i lost My best friends.
What are you talkin' About, you dumb hippie ?
Well, bob, i can Relate. You know, uh...
I know my best friends Used to charge me
$35 to listen to 'em Dick around on guitar.
( Audience laughing )
Come on, let's Kick his hippie ass.
Hey, man-- hey, man, Keep on truckin', man.
Hey !
( Grunting )
David ! David, Wait, wait, wait.
Look what we're doing. We're working together.
( Audience laughing )
Hey, yeah.
Bob, our mutual distrust And hatred of hippies
Has united us in A common cause.
Hey, man, i think We got a show to do.
You got it, buddy.
To the wigs !
Oh, bummer.
( batman theme song playing )
Hello. I'm dr. Ken thirby.
Straighten that camera out !
Hi, i'm dr. Ken thirby.
You know, teenagers Can be difficult
To communicate with.
Especially if you're Old fogies like us.
Hi, i'm lionel Winslow,
And this is my Wife catherine.
As parents, we know That kids only listen
To other kids.
That's right.
That's why we Got together
And created A program
Where 3 Terrific teens
Talk to you young People out there.
It's a lot of fun,
And you might just Learn something.
So say goodbye to us,
Because for the next Half of an hour, it's
( All ) no adults allowed !
( Hip-hop intro Music playing )
Hi, i'm kenny. I'm 14 years old,
And i love to play Those damn video games.
I'm kate. I'm 13.
I like to stay out till All hours of the night,
Just as long As i call home.
I mean, what Does it take ?
Oh, hi.
I'm lionel. I'm 16.
I like to take Things for granted,
But that'll end soon.
( Audience applauding )
Oh, yeah.
Welcome to no adults allowed.
We got the most Awesome show
Lined up for You today.
Hey, kate, i noticed You got your hair cut.
Yeah, i know a lot of Those girls are getting Those slutty hair cuts.
But i'm a beautiful Girl, i should let People see my pretty face.
( Audience laughing )
You bet.
Hey, guys, summer's Here, and i'm psyched.
You know what That means.
Summer jobs ! Yeah.
Ha-ho.
It'll be so great Not to have to rely
On mom and Dad for moola.
Yeah, plus, i can Buy that special Rock t-shirt
And album i want So damn much.
Right on.
Plus, you can buy gas.
Your dad's car Doesn't just magically Fill itself up, you know.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, man.
Guess what, gang ? It's time for our
Learn-about Segment.
Oh, goodie. Cool jazz.
This is gonna be Totally grungified.
Oh, goodie. Ok.
Well, we're totally Going to have our old Friend craig come on
And teach us a few Skateboarding tricks.
He's good At it, yep.
Craig ! Whoo! Craig.
Craiger.
Craig, honey.
Craig, goddamn it, Get out here !
Hey, hey. Calm down, Ken. Calm down.
Hell, that Fellow teen will Be the death of me.
Ken.
I tell ya, This generation
Is worse than The hippies,
The flappers and The nazis combined.
Oh, ken. It's true.
At least the hippies gave Us those fat watch bands,
And the flappers Could dance,
And the nazis Had that song 8 days a week.
No, no, ken. That Was the beatles.
What ? Well, What did i say ? Oh, who cares ?
( Psychedelic music playing )
Oh !
I was on the 18th hole.
I don't care. Where were You, craig ?
The show is shot !
This intercom-- the Speaker, it fell-- it Was wet, it fell--
Y-y-you're Nothin' but A slacker !
You know That ? That's The word, right ?
You're all one Big slacker.
Slackin' around, Slackin' off !
Slack-itty-slack Slack-slack !
You know, it's Attitudes like yours That are keeping us down.
You know, we try To be productive Members of your society,
With our Crocheting,
And our Homemade fudge For the blind...
( Audience laughing )
But you won't let us.
And this has been going On for over 200 years,
And it has to end !
What are you Talking about ?
Come on. I'll show you.
What ? All right, I don't know.
What, are we Following ?
( Ken ) craig took us all on a heart-smart journey
into the hateful, hurtful belly of the beast
we call "discrimination."
( Light, jaunty music playing )
( Inaudible )
( Audience laughing )
( Music continuing )
( Audience laughing )
( Interviewer ) but why do you hate slackers ?
Now there you go, i Don't hate anybody.
Play fair, now.
I don't have to Love everybody,
But, uh, these people, You know, they...
They don't seem to want To be part of anything, These slackers.
They hang around, Bleary eyed...
Messin' up the downtown Areas on their skateboards In ripped jeans, uh...
Don't know.
Just, don't-- Don't dislike 'em,
Just don't want 'em.
The whole solution to the Generation x problem--
Round all these people Up, put 'em in buses,
Send 'em up to seattle.
Build a border around Seattle, washington.
They can have that.
( Interviewer ) Don't you think That's a bit extreme ?
We're not talkin' about Locking these people up.
We're talking About seattle,
Beautiful part Of the country.
They can have that. That's theirs. They love it.
They can stay up there.
We stay down here.
Everybody's happy.
( Interviewer ) Well, sir, not to State the obvious,
But you yourself are black-- African-american-- i mean...
Isn't the kkk opposed To your race ?
See, i knew you were Going to try that.
You haven't been Listening to me, son.
This is the New klan, ok ?
Let me show You something.
( Beeping )
( Drum roll and Music starting )
( Woman ) * hey, check us out
( Man ) * have you seen us lately ? *
* we're the new ku klux klan *
* and we're 100 percent hate free *
* we're back to stay *
* and we're here to play *
* fishin' * cookin'
* badminton * scram
( Both ) * the new kkk
* we're gonna have a kazooie *
( Audience applauding )
that was The new kkk,
from the advertising firm of steinberg and goldstein.
and now we move on to our final nominee
in the category of "most improved image"--
from the firm wyman petricelli,
the campaign for the north american
man-boy love association,
N.A.M.B.L.A.-- We're not killers.
( Announcer ) when you think of the north american
man-boy love association,
you probably think of killers like jeffrey dahmer.
fact--
he was never a member.
we at n.A.M.B.L.A. do not murder.
that's the n.A.M.B.L.A. Promise.
n.A.M.B.L.A. Members are productive,
nonviolent members of the community,
who admittedly like to molest boys,
but who would never kill anybody.
that's why we proudly say...
N.A.M.B.L.A.-- We're not killers !
( All cheering )
and the awardee for "most improved image" goes to...
wyman petricelli, steve perfidi,
kermit hurtlyn, and trevor mcnish
for n.A.M.B.L.A.-- We're not killers.
( Audience booing )
uh, i just want you people to know
that i had nothing to do w-with this.
it was all trevor and steve.
No, that's not true . that is not true.
no, i had nothing to do with this either.
i had nothing to do with this.
uh, my beautiful wife, marlise, had nothing to do with this.
honey, i love you.
this was totally trevor's baby-- uh, project.
thank you so much, and first of all
i want to thank my boss, jim bloor. Jim ?
Don't thank me. You're fired !
thank you very much.
i also want to thank the people over at-- over at n.A.M.B.L.A.
for believing in my abilities,
especially kosh mcveigh. Stand up kosh !
Leave me out of this.
and i want to thank god for believing in my abilities.
( Audience shouting )
Come on !
Get him ! Get him !
( Crowd jeering )
( Crowd shouting )
( Horse neighing )
Monster ! Monster !
( Panting )
( talking on police radio )
This is a pretty Typical night.
Not a lot of-- not a Lot of stuff going down.
Not a lot happens Here sometimes.
He's over there !
( Crowd shouting )
Hey.
( Audience laughing )
What the hell Was that ?
I hit a bump.
Oh.
Anyways, uh, This uh, family...
We've been Here before.
Yeah, these People are real Troublers-- problems.
Tr--
Problem-- Problems.
( Announcer ) drunk cops-- hammered in detroit.
( Groaning )
Oh, shit.
( Slurring ) Shut up !
Ok, one talks At a time.
Here we go. Let's Get started.
Come on, officer.
Ah. Ow !
Get up here. Come on, get up.
Sh-what are you Talkin' about ?
Grabbin'...
( Policeman ) Why you wanna fight ?
Ask yourself that. Why you wanna fight ?
Think for 2 Seconds, and wonder Why you wanna fight.
( Audience laughing )
I'm sorry. I'm Sorry, man.
Work together, Come on.
Come here.
I smell bacon.
Come on. Come here !
I smell bacon.
Put your hands up.
( Audience laughing )
( Engine starting )
I was kidding, man. I was kidding.
( Siren blaring )
Hey kid, don't--
Hey. Hey, come on.
( Man ) Sulu, get out.
Sulu, get out From the tv.
Stupid iguana.
( Doorbell ringing )
Coming !
Hey, nathan, What's up ?
Hey, alex.
( Nathan ) Kelly, what's Goin' on ?
Hey, check It out.
Got totally sold on Gettin' this iguana.
Wow.
Cool.
Yeah. His name is sulu. He's an australian hotneck.
And he totally knows His name. Check it out.
( Audience laughing )
Sulu.
Huh ? Yeah.
I've only had him A couple weeks,
But i can already Tell that he loves me.
Oh, man, he's Beautiful, man.
Yeah.
Hey, kelly, check It out. Touch him. Go Ahead. He likes people.
I don't know, kel-- I don't know.
He looks Kinda scared.
Go ahead.
All right...
Don't worry About it.
He just gets Nervous, you know,
W-when he knows It's time to e-a-t.
Oh, yeah.
Isn't that right, Sulu, you big baby ?
Sulu. Sulu.
Oh, man.
Sorry, don't worry About it, lady.
He's just trying To stay warm.
You know, Australian hotneck...
Gotta stay between 50 and 60 degrees.
In australia, That's easy, But, you know--
Hey, man, does he Change colors ?
Is he one of Those kinds ?
Oh, yeah.
Totally depends on his Emotional biorhythms.
Yeah, he's like a Mood ring iguana.
Sulu ! Sorry, sorry.
Sulu, get back Here ! Sulu, come On, what did i--
Oh !
( Audience laughing )
Don't...
He's just showing Off, 'cause you Guys are here.
He knows exactly What he's...
Sorry about that. I'll clean it up.
( Hissing )
Hey, nathan ! I think he's mad.
N-no, kelly,
He's just Melancholy, ok ?
Sulu, sulu, what Are the rules ?
Answer me. I've Got the paddle.
Answer me.
Don't hit him.
What are The rules ?
Tell me, what Are the rules ?
Or i will hit You again.
Nathan !
Nathan, um, Don't you have a Potbellied pig ?
Uh, yeah, but That fucker Never shut up,
And he shit all Over the place.
( Audience laughing )
You know, it was like He had his own agenda Or something, you know ?
But check it out, I totally got sold,
And this guy is hooking Me up with something Completely different.
Oh, man, are You gonna get That panda ?
Better.
Check it out.
I'm gonna get Hooked up with a Real live albino.
No way.
Cool.
Yeah. Sulu !
Cut it Out ! Yeah.
This guy's hooking Me up with a real Live albino boy.
Wait, is That legal ?
Yeah, totally.
I mean, not in This country,
You know, but They put holes in The box and stuff,
And they send It over, and The guy's like--
Hey, whoa, whoa !
Hey, sulu. Whoa, watch out.
Sulu, not The bong !
Sulu ! No, no. Don't, sulu !
No ! Bongwater.
Sulu, you Stupid iguana.
( Kelly ) Hey !
No, nathan, Don't hit him.
Oh, he's just Fakin' it.
Man, you guys, i can't Believe you're getting Suckered into this.
Oh, you really Hurt him !
Look at him Play-act.
He is such a Diva. Heh, heh.
Look at-- world's Tiniest violin,
Playing iguana concerto number 3 .
Fake spasm.
Oh, shit.
( Audience laughing )
Oh, shit, I killed him.
Oh, nathan.
Oh, just like I killed bilbo
And the cockatiel--
With a book.
Ooh.
Oh, who am i now, Without an iguana ?
I'm nothing.
( Doorbell ringing )
I'm nothing Without an iguana.
( Sobbing )
Oh, hey, buddy.
Buddy, y-you're Albino boy's here.
Oh, hey !
Wow, look at you, You're so cute.
I'm going to Call you kurt.
You're so different. I'm so different.
( Laughing )
Funeral !
Yeah, let's Have a funeral !
Clean him up. Bring him along. Put him in a shoebox.
Come on.
( Man ) we are gathered here today
In memory of sulu,
Who lived life, And loved life,
To its fullest capacity.
Now he joins his Brothers and sisters,
Nathan's other Beloved pets--
Bilbo, the Potbellied pig,
Ted nugent, The cockatiel,
Frodo, the ferret,
Dr. Zaeus, the 3-toed sloth.
C3p0, the snake--
All very intelligent Creatures,
And all very Beloved of nathan.
( Clearing throat )
For all creatures are good,
Except when They are bad,
And we should always Be kind and nice--
That is, most Of the time.
I mean, don't Quote me on that Unless you want to.
I'm not trying to Be judgy or bossy--
Jeepers creepers, Get to the point.
Don't you ever take The lord's name in vain.
I didn't. I said, "Jeepers creepers."
I heard what you said.
Let me tell you All the story...
Of jeepers creepers.
( Bell tolling )
( Rock opera music playing )
[Tires screeching]
( Upbeat rock music playing )
( Music crescendoing )
( Audience applauding )
( Heavy guitar music playing )
* Who, the what, the when, The where, the why, the who *
* Who, the what, the when, The where, the why the who *
* Who, the what, the when, The where, the why, the who *
* Attention, please
* If you have the time
* I'd like to Blow your mind *
* Always be good, Except when you're bad *
* Choose to be happy, Except when you're sad *
* Don't quote me on this, Don't hold me to that *
* Is there a god ?
* Don't know for a fact
* Should we live A good life ? *
* I guess, It shall be *
* Are you the Messiah ? *
* Yes, i-- No, i... *
* But perhaps
* Could be
( Heavy guitar music playing )
* Hey, jeepers, Over here *
* Check this shit out
( Psychedelic heavy Metal music playing )
( Music pausing )
* Hey, man, why Can't you commit ? *
* Stop walkin' The line *
* Parents speak of Kicking us out *
* But you play Video golf and get High all the time *
* It's ok to get High sometimes *
* But all the time That's not fine *
* No !
* I was on The 18th hole *
* Your people need Some leadership *
* Cut me some slack
* I can't make Up my mind *
* Get off of my ass
* I heard you all The first time *
* I'll get to It eventually *
* Just leave me be
* I could moan And groan, but i'm Still on my throne *
* My throne is this Stone, who'll throw The first stone ? *
( Music pausing )
( All ) Ooh !
* I don't know what
* To think of him
* Who is he ?
* I just got here
* He told me to Throw the stone *
* Now i'm so alone
* I'm going home
( Psychedelic music playing )
* What should we do about Our boy, jeepers creepers ? *
* He's not all that good But he's not all that bad *
* He won't mow The lawn and he Won't get a job *
* Where does he get His money from ? *
* It's driving us mad
* Mr. And mrs. Creepers, For 30 pieces of silver *
* Jeepers, i Can deliver *
* Check this Shit out *
* Hoo
( Heavy rock music playing )
( Music pausing ) Stop dancing.
* Shut that Refrigerator door *
* I'm not Paying to cool The out of doors *
* Well, young man No choice have i *
* But to sentence You to... *
* Leave
( Symphonic music playing )
* Forgive Them, god... *
( Music stops )
Or don't.
It's entirely Up to you.
( Rock opera music starting )
( All ) * Jeepers creepers, Slacker guy *
* Just walks away Without saying goodbye *
* Jeepers creepers, Not so great *
* A guy we'll never Really love nor hate *
* Jeepers creepers, Slacker guy *
* He just walks away Without saying goodbye *
* Jeepers creepers, Not so great *
* A guy we'll never Really love nor hate *
* Jeepers creepers, Slacker guy *
( Singing )
Bye-bye, jeepers !
Jeepers creepers.
( Audience applauding )
And that's the story Of jeepers creepers ,
The biggest failure In broadway history.
It opened and closed On the very same night.
But they made A movie about It anyway ?
( Chuckling )
No, jay, we did.
( Audience laughing )
Well...Why, If it was so bad ?
Well, john, we Thought it'd be funny.
( Audience chuckling )
But it wasn't funny.
You know, why don't You kiss my ass ?
( Audience laughing )
David's right.
( Audience laughing )
Yeah.
Hey, everybody. Hippie pie is ready.
( All ) Ooh !
Ha, ha. I got The braid !
( Audience applauding )
( Audience laughing )
Uh, i feel awful.
I know.
Oh, we did A bad thing.
Tonight's show Offended every
Racist, christian, Exotic-pet loving,
N.A.M.B.L.A. Card-carrying, Alcoholic cop in america.
I ated too much pie.
( Polka music playing )